5 Things To Know About Conflict Styles

Understanding your conflict style and adjusting it to each situation is so important in managing workplace conflict. So, what’s your conflict style preference? Are you:

Competing, someone who likes to argue and debate? Competing often means defending a position you believe is correct, or simply trying to win.

Accommodating, someone who is unassertive and cooperative, often yielding to another’s point of view or even giving in when you believe your ideas are better? Accommodating is the complete opposite of competing.

Avoiding, someone who is unassertive and uncooperative neither pursuing your concerns or others?  Avoiding doesn’t commit and is unsure where h/she stands on issues.  

Compromising, someone who is moderate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness, looking to fine an expedient, mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both parties? Compromising is intimidated by direct confrontation and looks to gain consensus or seek a quick middle-ground solution.

Collaborating, someone who is both assertive and cooperative and takes a win-win approach to find a solution that fully satisfies both? Collaborating understands the value of positive conflict and often acts as a mediator. 

Each of us is capable of using all five conflict-handling modes and no one uses a single style of dealing with conflict. Understanding your own preferred conflict style and the preferred conflict style of others, helps us take conflict less personally and creatively resolve workplace disputes. Once you understand the preferred style of others, you can use these ideas to work successfully with a person using a particular conflict style or mode:

Allow the competing style time to vent.  Be gracious while doing your best to discover what they fear.  Use reflecting listening skills and don’t forget that humor may go a long way in getting a competing person to relax and then be able to resolve the conflict.

Be direct and patient with the avoiding style while you work to understand their position.  Be supportive and allow that person to feel as if they can confront you with their issue.

Active listening is effective with the compromising style as you work to create a supportive environment where the person will feel comfortable.  Describe the impact of their behavior on the situation and allow them to feel as if they can confront you with the issue.

Try to get the accommodating style to open up about their feelings and fears.  Monitor their energy level since they are susceptible to burnout.  Solicit their input and feedback since probably won’t offer it willingly.

Watch and learn from the collaborating style in order to enhance your own abilities to deal with conflict. This way you won’t always depend on them in conflict situations since they are skilled at resolving whatever comes up.  

April is Workplace Conflict Awareness Month, but let’s keep this awareness going. Having workplaces filled with creativity and respect is essential for organizational success. Spread the word, share our posts, and we’d be honored if you recommended our books The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook and The Conflict Resolution Phrase Book to your colleagues and friends and on Amazon.  

3 Myths About Workplace Conflict

April is Workplace Conflict Awareness Month. Let’s take the opportunity to dispel these myths about conflict.

Difficult people are almost always the cause of conflict. People’s behavior, not the people themselves, can cause difficulty and be the underlying cause of problems. While bad behavior is certainly a contributor of conflict, it’s not the only cause.

Failing to set realistic expectations is a big contributor. If people don’t understand what the organization, their manager, or their teammates expect, confusion and conflict can result. Set expectations early, beginning with the job interview and again during the first days of employment.  Let people know the job entails – its functions and tasks – and what success in the role looks like.

Changes in the workplace is another contributing factor. Globalization, generational differences, changing technology, or new leadership are just a few changes people may encounter. Change is uncomfortable, but we all have a choice about how we react – embrace it, or resist it, or wait and see.  To lessen the likelihood of conflicts, change can and should be managed effectively.

The problem at the root of a conflict is usually obvious. People often assume that they understand a problem. Information is presented and it’s human nature to jump to conclusions. Central to managing conflict is identifying the problem. No matter with whom you are in conflict – your boss, teammate, employee or peer – acknowledging the problem is critical to solving it.  

Getting to the source involves conversations and some detective work. There are a number of skills that you can use such as attending skills, which put everyone on an even level, encouraging skills which helps others to elaborate, and reflecting skills that allow the opportunity to restate in your own words what you’ve hear the other person say. Get good information by varying the types of questions you ask, such as open-ended questions, close-ended questions, or opinion-based questions.

In conflict, there are always winners and losers. True, if you follow the theory of position-based bargaining, but it won’t solve the problem or resolve anything. A position is what we demand from the other person(s). When positions become the focus of the conflict, the problem can get covered up along with any useful solution.

Focusing on interests – needs, desires and outcomes is more effective. Think about what your interest(s) is and be able to articulate it to yourself and others, explaining why it’s important. Then separate your position from your interest. Making your interests come alive will increase the likelihood that the other side will understand them. It will help to move the discussion away from positions. 

Consider the other person’s prospective. Stand in their shoes and contemplate their interests. Underlying your interests and theirs are mutual needs and values, which helps everyone to make informed decisions and be better equipped to create options to resolve the conflict.

Let’s celebrate Workplace Conflict Awareness Month by encouraging everyone to focus on positive conflict resolution in their organizations. Please consider sharing this post with your network so we can spread the word that we can all positively address workplace conflict.

April is Workplace Conflict Awareness Month

Who knew? I first became aware of this in April 2017 when I did an interview with Greg Cellini for his show Thank God For Monday.  To celebrate Workplace Conflict Awareness Month 2018, I returned (virtually) to the studio of WSOU to record another interview with Greg. This was the third time I had the pleasure of speaking with him on the air and it is always a delightful experience.  It always feels as if we’re having a conversation over a cup of coffee. In fact, I wrote a blog to that effect last year: https://tinyurl.com/y88ugphf

The following is a sampling of the things Greg and I discussed this year:

Question:  What inspired you and your co-author Barbara Mitchell to write The Conflict Resolution Phrase Book?

Answer:  We wanted to write a companion to The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook.  Too often in conflict situations, people are leery of speaking up for fear of saying the wrong thing.  We wanted to give people who are conflict adverse some prompts or suggested language to help them find the right words and gain the confidence to speak up.

Question: Honest, straightforward dialogue seems to be the key to most problems in the workplace (and elsewhere). Why are so many people so bad at it?

Answer: Problem solving takes time and effort but in today’s work environment, time can be a precious commodity. Therefore, rather than get to the root of the problem people react and hope to move on. It seems easier to offer an explanation, excuse or apology without taking the time to listen.

Question: What are some good questions to ask in helping the other person put the real issue(s) on the table for discussion?

Answer: When trying to get to the root of an issue, it’s important to exchange information and points of view. Ask: 

• Can you describe the situation and give me a specific example of what happened?
• Can you explain the issue to me as you see it?
• Can we start at the beginning?

Question: What if someone tries to pull you into a situation and get you to take their side? How could you respond?

Answer: Honestly, the worst thing someone can do is to get involved in another person’s fight. That’s not to say you can’t take a stand – but that stand should be a neutral position. The problem needs to be solved by the individuals involved – the people who own the problem. You can respond by saying:

• The situation is between you and her. Have you spoken with her about it yet?
• Stop talking about him and talk to him. 
• I can’t fix the problem you’re having with him, but you can.

We’ve been spreading the word about Workplace Conflict Awareness Month on social media because everyone can help manage conflict in their workplaces and organizations.  Would you consider helping us? We'd be delighted if you would write an Amazon review for one of our books about conflict. 

• The Conflict Resolution Phrase Book can be found at https://tinyurl.com/ya74nxgr
• The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook can be found at https://tinyurl.com/y832wmh3

Other ways you can help get the word out is to share our posts on LinkedIn this month, follow us on Twitter (@gotworkconflict; @bigbookofhr) and retweet our posts, and like and share our posts on Facebook. We’ll never rid the workplace of conflict, but we can help to resolve and even optimize it by finding creativity in differences. 

Now what do you do?

You’re moving along in your work life and suddenly you have a co-worker who doesn’t like you or tries to sabotage your work?  What do you do when you face animosity from a co-work?

These were the questions that opened an interview I had this week with a reporter writing for FastCompany.com about how employees can deal with co-workers who seem to have animosity toward them. What a great topic for Workplace Conflict Awareness Month!

Here are a few of the things we talked about:

• Is the employee exhibiting animosity feeling threatened or insecure?  Has a new member joined the team and not taken the time to learn more or exhibited superiority? Both of these attitudes could lead to feelings or perceptions of animosity.

• Get to the root of the issue. Understand what the underlying problem or issue is – and do so in a respectful way. “Can we talk and clear the air?”

• Describe the behavior and the impact it’s having on everyone. Educate the other person so can understand and realign their behavior.

• Respectfully confront the situation and the person and offer a more positive approach. This helps to derail any continued negative behavior.

• Ask for help from a neutral third-party only when all else fails. Organizations would do well to invest resources to help their employees learn good conflict resolution skills.

I’ll let you know when the article goes live. In the meantime, be aware of and address any conflict in your workplace!

5 Things Managers Can Do About Conflict

Managers often find themselves trapped in the middle of a situation involving members of their team – situations or issues that are not theirs to solve. What’s a manager to do?  A manager doesn’t necessarily own every issue – the employees do. Managers shouldn’t needlessly add to their workloads by trying to solve everything. Here are five tips to help managers understand their role in and the best approach for dealing with workplace conflict:

1. Know when and how to intervene. Different circumstances call for different responses. If one employee’s lack of performance is preventing other employees from getting their jobs done, the manager definitely has a direct role to play. He has to address performance deficiencies of that team member. If an employee is struggling because of issues outside the workplace, then expert help, such as an employee assistance program, should be suggested.
2. Give your employees the space to grow. Employees need the freedom and authority to solve problems that relate to their work. Help them to learn conflict management techniques and develop problem-solving skills. As a manager, take advantage of this training yourself and model the techniques and skills you learn. Think of the positive impact for your organization when your workforce is skilled in avoiding the negative impact of unresolved conflict. 
3. Recognize that tension, egos, and emotions often get in the way. Managers have an interest in developing good working relationships among team members. You should define the problem and the impact it’s having in the workplace. Don’t discount the impact of emotions. Sometimes they are the person’s passion around an issue. Help employees control and balance emotions so they don’t interfere with resolution.  
4. Strengthen your own facilitation skills. You are often a neutral observer to a conflict. This is a great vantage point from which you can assist by guiding employees through a mediated discussion. Meet with employees, define roles and set ground rules. The employees are the primary players, not you. They will be asking questions of each other and proposing solutions. You won’t offer advice, opinions or solutions, even if asked. You’re there to keep the discussion on track.
5. Optimize conflict – it’s often creativity and innovation trying to happen. Employees close to the work often have great ideas for better solutions. Help them brainstorm, evaluate and priorities these ideas. When people sit down and talk, calmly and rationally, great information and viewpoints are exchanged. Working relationships are strengthened. Embrace the point of view that conflict is essential in the workplace if it’s part of a creative and engaged culture that wants the organization to grow and thrive. 

April is Workplace Conflict Awareness Month. Spread the word by sharing this post. Let’s help everyone make their organizations workplaces where ideas and respect grow and prosper.