Kind to Yourself

Ellen DeGeneres closes each of her shows with this challenge to her studio audience and viewers—Be kind to one another. I love that, especially in our toxic world. Beyond telling us to be kind to each other, Ellen puts her words into actions by helping raise money for the fires in Australia, or the earthquake in Puerto Rico, or a school in Louisiana where the teachers have to buy all the supplies for their classrooms.

This got me thinking. Yes, we must be kind to others, our family, friends, neighbors, or just our fellow human beings. But, in order to take care of others, don’t we have to take care of ourselves as well?  As the flight attendants say, “Put on your oxygen mask before helping someone else.”

Taking this idea into the world of work, what would happen if were kind to ourselves there? Some of you may be thinking of certain co-workers who are pretty easy on themselves. I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about you and me, and examining our own actions and reactions. 

When we experience a setback at work, what would happen if we were to treat ourselves as we would treat a co-worker experiencing the same situation? Most likely, we’d be understanding and compassionate—and, dare I say, kind—to others but we’re pretty hard on ourselves.

Failed projects and proposals or other work problems often cause many of us to either become defensive, looking for someone else to blame, or beat ourselves up for our incompetence or poor judgment in a situation. Neither of these actions are helpful in moving us forward.

What we should do is be kind to ourselves! Show more compassion and less judgment. Recognize everyone makes mistakes or experiences setbacks, and move past it. If you’re not certain if you’re doing this, ask the following questions:

• “Am I being kind and understanding to myself?”
• “Am I keeping my negative feelings about myself in perspective?”

If you still find yourself struggling, consider this advice from Serena Chen, psychology professor at the University of California, Berkeley. In the September-October 2018 edition of the Harvard Business Journal she suggests writing a letter to yourself in the third person, as if you were writing as a friend or family member. Since many of us are better at helping others than helping ourselves, this tactic might help you be kinder to yourself.

Professor Chen says that while the business community has gotten better about recognizing organizational failure is not final, we haven’t fully embraced the idea that personal failure can also be a growing experience. 

Be kind to others but also be kind to yourself and see what a difference this can make in your own life. If you’re a manager or leader, being kind to yourself will have a positive impact on everyone on your team.