Encouraging Others

Managing people is challenging, and we’re all looking for ways to have more impact. I recently came across a book I’ve had for a long time called 25 Ways to Win with People, How to Make Others Feel Like a Million Bucks by John C. Maxwell and Les Parrott, Ph.D. It is a quick read and is filled with stories, great examples, and ideas to try to encourage others.

One of my favorites is the chapter describes a simple rule to follow. Within 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to the other person. 

The authors suggest that by giving them “attention, affirmation, and appreciation” you will have a positive impact on others. Of course, your encouragement, which is positive feedback, must be genuine and as specific as possible.  According to the authors, research shows that encouraging others is motivating and actually gives them energy.  

To highlight this, they shared an example of the great NFL coach, Vince Lombardi, who was known as a strict disciplinarian but also a great motivator. After practice one day, he reprimanded a player about his performance in a practice but followed it up with, “One of these days, you’re going to be the best guard in the NFL.”  That player was Jerry Kramer who said he carried that encouragement throughout his hall of fame career.  He said, “Lombardi’s encouragement had a tremendous impact on my whole life. 

This chapter ends with these ideas:

• “Forget about searching for ways to make yourself look good. Instead, search for ways to make others look good.”
• “Ask what positive, encouraging thing can I say to each person I will see today?”
• “Give everyone you meet attention, affirmation, and appreciation.”
• “Remember within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging.”

Try this out with people you meet and most of all, with the people you manage. Say something that will encourage them as quickly as you can in any conversation. See what impact this has on them and how positively people respond to you. I’d love it if you let us know how this works for you.

Kind to Yourself

Ellen DeGeneres closes each of her shows with this challenge to her studio audience and viewers—Be kind to one another. I love that, especially in our toxic world. Beyond telling us to be kind to each other, Ellen puts her words into actions by helping raise money for the fires in Australia, or the earthquake in Puerto Rico, or a school in Louisiana where the teachers have to buy all the supplies for their classrooms.

This got me thinking. Yes, we must be kind to others, our family, friends, neighbors, or just our fellow human beings. But, in order to take care of others, don’t we have to take care of ourselves as well?  As the flight attendants say, “Put on your oxygen mask before helping someone else.”

Taking this idea into the world of work, what would happen if were kind to ourselves there? Some of you may be thinking of certain co-workers who are pretty easy on themselves. I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about you and me, and examining our own actions and reactions. 

When we experience a setback at work, what would happen if we were to treat ourselves as we would treat a co-worker experiencing the same situation? Most likely, we’d be understanding and compassionate—and, dare I say, kind—to others but we’re pretty hard on ourselves.

Failed projects and proposals or other work problems often cause many of us to either become defensive, looking for someone else to blame, or beat ourselves up for our incompetence or poor judgment in a situation. Neither of these actions are helpful in moving us forward.

What we should do is be kind to ourselves! Show more compassion and less judgment. Recognize everyone makes mistakes or experiences setbacks, and move past it. If you’re not certain if you’re doing this, ask the following questions:

• “Am I being kind and understanding to myself?”
• “Am I keeping my negative feelings about myself in perspective?”

If you still find yourself struggling, consider this advice from Serena Chen, psychology professor at the University of California, Berkeley. In the September-October 2018 edition of the Harvard Business Journal she suggests writing a letter to yourself in the third person, as if you were writing as a friend or family member. Since many of us are better at helping others than helping ourselves, this tactic might help you be kinder to yourself.

Professor Chen says that while the business community has gotten better about recognizing organizational failure is not final, we haven’t fully embraced the idea that personal failure can also be a growing experience. 

Be kind to others but also be kind to yourself and see what a difference this can make in your own life. If you’re a manager or leader, being kind to yourself will have a positive impact on everyone on your team. 

Meet Maryanne Robertson.

So, who is Maryanne exactly? And why should you meet her?  

Maryanne is the central character in our upcoming book. She’s the Chief HR Officer of a fictitious restaurant chain headquartered in a large Midwest city. And the issues she deals with, often daily, are complex and simply unbelievable. 

Of course, Maryanne doesn’t deal with these issues alone. That wouldn’t be any fun. She wants to teach and inspire her staff, support her management team, and share challenges and ideas with outside colleagues so they can learn and grow together. It’s through Maryanne and her colleagues that the stories in the book will be told.

A little more about Maryanne. She’s married to an employment attorney, which often makes for interesting pillow talk. And don’t expect them to always agree. After working several years for a management consulting firm, she returned to work at the restaurant chain, where she’d worked as a server during college, and eventually found her way from operations into HR because she was driven by the challenge of making people matter. 

Maryanne has the respect of her peers on the management team, but there’s always one exception.  Larry Blackstone, the CFO, thinks Maryanne only sees the people side, the soft side as he likes to say, of business. He forgets that while she was an assistant manager at one of the largest restaurants in the chain, she developed retention strategies that significantly reduced turnover and resulted in significant savings.

Kyle Greene, the employee relations manager who reports to Maryanne, thinks she’s amazing and is grateful to be working for her so early in his career. “She’s smart and attractive with her dark hair and bright green eyes. People take notice when she walks into a room. She has a soft, yet commanding, presence and is admired as a business leader in the community outside the company as well.”  

Someone from the outside business community who greatly respects her is Jason Edison, although they do have some history. They worked together in the management consulting firm Maryanne joined right out of college and have remained good friends and colleagues. It was Jason’s idea to start the networking group of HR Executives. They support each other by sharing problems and offering solutions. 

These are just some of the peers and colleagues you’ll meet along the way. And it’s through all of them that the stories in the book are told. In the coming months, we’ll give you glimpses into the types of stories you’ll read in the book. You’ll read tales about managing in the grey zone because people and the situations they put themselves into are rarely black and white.

A Challenge for 2020

Best places to work. These competitions abound on the national and on the local level.  They cause many people to stop and think: Are they really objective?  That’s often going to depend on the process, the judging criteria and the judges.  I was asked to serve as a judge last year in a best professional contest.  With some reluctance I said yes.  Reluctance turned to enthusiasm when I received the well-defined criteria and realized that being new to the community, I didn’t know any of the entrants.  I could be totally objective and judge them against the standards.  And my top candidate won. 

It’s great when employees feel there is something special about finding a job, a company, an organization where they genuinely enjoy going to work every day and even putting in extra hours sometimes.  Who do you want judging you as an employer – a panel of external judges or your employees? 

Consider the following excerpt from an Albuquerque Journal article that appeared on December 12, 2019 about a local, top workplaces competition.  Two of the questions in survey for the 2019 competition were:  How satisfied are you with your job? How satisfied are you with your organization?  Some of the rave reviews from employees surveyed among last year’s winners include:

• Decisions are made based on member impact and the bottom line is not the primary focus. People who work here are generally passionate about helping our members and our community.
• I have the ability to make a meaningful difference in people’s lives every day.
• Have never worked in a place that makes you feel so welcome and needed.
• I really enjoy coming to work because it’s a very positive environment to be in! I love what I do and enjoy learning new things, but especially spending time with the students because they are an important part of our community and our lives.
• This job allows me to work to my strengths. I am able to balance work and personal life with my work setting. I love the people that I work with, they are all supportive.
• Every day is different, challenging and exciting.
• I am able to do what I love and grow.
• I enjoy my co-workers, team work and making the job fun. I look forward to coming to work every day for another new adventure. Having management understand and support our team is a huge factor.
• Every person I have interacted with is so helpful and happy to help teach me something new. I have never felt discouraged or dreaded coming into work. I truly feel like I am making a difference in other’s lives even without presently meeting them face to face.

Here’s the challenge for 2020: Think of the accolades you want your employees to shower on you as an employer – or even as a manager. Then make it happen. Engage your team every work day during the coming year. Get some ideas on page 37 of The Manager’s Answer Book.