When Love is in the Air at Work

“Oh, Maryanne. It was so awkward. I was so afraid they were going to see me.”

“Calm down, Allison,” I said to my friend, a young professional I’ve been mentoring. She was telling me that while she was on a date last weekend—a nice romantic dinner—she spotted two people from work, and there was nothing casual about the dinner they were having. 

“I spotted them across the room on our way in, and fortunately, the maître d’ escorted us into a smaller, more private room. Dave is so romantic,” she sighed, changing the subject for a moment.  “Anyway, they were holding hands and only had eyes for each other, which I guess was good for me.”

“I hope it didn’t spoil your date,” I said smiling. 

“It didn’t, but I know I’ve got to tell my boss tomorrow when he gets back from his trip. It’s tricky because the woman reports to the man she was with, and he heads up a significant line of business, and she manages one of the important projects. Is it an ethics violation if they’re married to other people and dating? Could we fire them for that?”

I knew this was a challenge for Allison. Her family was a close-knit one. Her grandparents just celebrated their 60^th wedding anniversary. I had to frame this as a business problem for her.

“Allison, look at your policies and the situation. You’ve told me your company has no restriction on dating. And whether or not anyone agrees with their behavior or morality on a personal level, it’s not necessarily a violation of business ethics. It doesn’t sound like there’s been a work-related issue until now. If there’s the perception that she’s receiving preferential treatment from him because of their reporting relationship and personal involvement, that could have a big impact.”

“What if anyone else has seen them?”

“Good point, Allison.  And let me say, they’ve not exercised good judgment by appearing in public while trying to keep this relationship secret. Why don’t you suggest to your boss that they be made a part of the solution?  I’m sure they are aware that their personal relationship was bound to have an effect at work. There may be a solution that you’re not aware of. I’m sure there are a number of options that can be explored.”  That seemed to relieve a little of Allison’s anxiety.

As I ended the call and took off my headset, I took a deep breath to clear my head. It's never black and white when you're dealing with people. There are always shades of grey, and managing in that grey zone is the biggest challenge.

Maryanne Robertson

P. S. Who is Maryanne Robertson and why is she writing this post? If you missed our January newsletter, you can find out more about Maryanne at

http://makingpeoplematter.blogspot.com/2020/01/meet-maryanne-robertson.html.

Encouraging Others

Managing people is challenging, and we’re all looking for ways to have more impact. I recently came across a book I’ve had for a long time called 25 Ways to Win with People, How to Make Others Feel Like a Million Bucks by John C. Maxwell and Les Parrott, Ph.D. It is a quick read and is filled with stories, great examples, and ideas to try to encourage others.

One of my favorites is the chapter describes a simple rule to follow. Within 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to the other person. 

The authors suggest that by giving them “attention, affirmation, and appreciation” you will have a positive impact on others. Of course, your encouragement, which is positive feedback, must be genuine and as specific as possible.  According to the authors, research shows that encouraging others is motivating and actually gives them energy.  

To highlight this, they shared an example of the great NFL coach, Vince Lombardi, who was known as a strict disciplinarian but also a great motivator. After practice one day, he reprimanded a player about his performance in a practice but followed it up with, “One of these days, you’re going to be the best guard in the NFL.”  That player was Jerry Kramer who said he carried that encouragement throughout his hall of fame career.  He said, “Lombardi’s encouragement had a tremendous impact on my whole life. 

This chapter ends with these ideas:

• “Forget about searching for ways to make yourself look good. Instead, search for ways to make others look good.”
• “Ask what positive, encouraging thing can I say to each person I will see today?”
• “Give everyone you meet attention, affirmation, and appreciation.”
• “Remember within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging.”

Try this out with people you meet and most of all, with the people you manage. Say something that will encourage them as quickly as you can in any conversation. See what impact this has on them and how positively people respond to you. I’d love it if you let us know how this works for you.