In order
to manage workplace conflict, it’s important to be able to understand and
adjust to each situation and to the preferred conflict style of those involved.
Everybody
has a conflict style preference and knowing our own style preference and those
of others can really help us manage workplace conflict. Here are the style
definitions:
Competing attacks
and likes to argue and debate. This type is competitive, assertive, and
uncooperative, and can be threatening and intimidating, causing others to give
in to avoid the argument. Competing means “standing up for your rights,”
defending a position you believe is correct, or simply trying to win.
Accommodating is
unassertive and cooperative, and is the complete opposite of competing.
Accommodating may yield to another’s point of view or give even when h/she
believes h/her ideas are better.
Avoiding is
unassertive and uncooperative and neither pursues h/her own concerns nor those
of others. This type will not commit and is unsure where h/she stands on
issues.
Collaborating is both
assertive and cooperative and takes a win-win stance in an attempt to work to
find a solution that fully satisfies both people. This style approaches
conflict with skill and balance, understands the value of positive conflict,
and often acts as a mediator.
Compromising is
moderate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness. The objective is to find
some expedient, mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both
parties. Compromise gives up more than competing but less than accommodating
and is intimidated by direct confrontation. They look to gain consensus or seek
a quick middle-ground solution.
Each of
us is capable of using all five conflict-handling modes and no one uses a
single style of dealing with conflict. But certain people use some modes better
than others and, therefore, tend to rely on those modes more heavily than
others—whether because of temperament or practice.
Understanding
your own preferred conflict style and the preferred conflict style of others
can really help take some emotion and some personalization out of the conflict.
When we understand conflict styles, we hopefully will stop thinking in terms of
“I’m right and he’s wrong,” and take the actions of others less personally.
Then we can use the energy we’d normally waste on trying to figure them out to
creatively resolve the underlying issues of the dispute. We can also
consciously choose to use a different conflict style when the situation demands
it. But this takes practice to use a style that perhaps isn’t as comfortable
for you as your preferred style. However, you can learn to use different styles
effectively and it is worth it to try!
Once you
understand your own preferred style of dealing with conflict, it helps to try
and understand the people you work with and how they approach conflict. While
it’s probably not a great idea to just ask them, if you listen carefully and
observe your co-workers, you will probably be able to get a pretty good idea of
their conflict mode. Once you’re armed with that knowledge (and remember, just
like you, other people may use different conflict modes at different times),
here are some ideas of how you can work successfully with a person using that
particular conflict style or mode:
Competing:
If you’re working with someone whose style preference is competing, take
time to allow them to vent. You will want to be gracious while doing your best
to discover what they fear. This is a good place for you to use reflecting
listening skills and don’t forget that humor may go a long way in getting a
competing person to relax and then be able to resolve the conflict.
Avoiding:
If you’re working with someone whose style preference is avoiding, you
will need to be direct and patient while you work to understand their position.
You will need to be supportive and allow that person to feel as if they can
confront you with their issue.
Compromising:
If you’re working with someone whose style preference is compromising,
active listening skills will be useful as you work to create a supportive
environment where the person will feel comfortable. Try describing the impact
of their behavior on the situation and allow them to feel as if they can
confront you with the issue.
Accommodating:
If you’re working with someone who is accommodating, you need to try and
get them to open up on how they are feeling and what they fear. You need to
monitor their energy level since they are susceptible to burnout. Your role is
to solicit their input and their feedback because they probably won’t offer it
willingly.
Collaborating:
If you’re working with someone whose style preference is collaborating,
you and others in your work group will probably learn early on to depend on
them in conflict situations since they are skilled at resolving whatever comes
up. Watch and learn from them in order to enhance your own abilities to deal
with conflict.
Why is it
so important to understand our own conflict style preference and the style
preferences of those around us? Different styles lead to different approaches
to how we relate to others and how we work together. These style preferences
aren’t perfect or always accurate, but can be helpful as you work with others
in your organization to resolve the conflicts that arise just because we’re
human beings who think and act differently.
This article was originally published on
December 28, 2015 on Thoughtleadersllc.com
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