Kind to Yourself

Ellen DeGeneres closes each of her shows with this challenge to her studio audience and viewers—Be kind to one another. I love that, especially in our toxic world. Beyond telling us to be kind to each other, Ellen puts her words into actions by helping raise money for the fires in Australia, or the earthquake in Puerto Rico, or a school in Louisiana where the teachers have to buy all the supplies for their classrooms.

This got me thinking. Yes, we must be kind to others, our family, friends, neighbors, or just our fellow human beings. But, in order to take care of others, don’t we have to take care of ourselves as well?  As the flight attendants say, “Put on your oxygen mask before helping someone else.”

Taking this idea into the world of work, what would happen if were kind to ourselves there? Some of you may be thinking of certain co-workers who are pretty easy on themselves. I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about you and me, and examining our own actions and reactions. 

When we experience a setback at work, what would happen if we were to treat ourselves as we would treat a co-worker experiencing the same situation? Most likely, we’d be understanding and compassionate—and, dare I say, kind—to others but we’re pretty hard on ourselves.

Failed projects and proposals or other work problems often cause many of us to either become defensive, looking for someone else to blame, or beat ourselves up for our incompetence or poor judgment in a situation. Neither of these actions are helpful in moving us forward.

What we should do is be kind to ourselves! Show more compassion and less judgment. Recognize everyone makes mistakes or experiences setbacks, and move past it. If you’re not certain if you’re doing this, ask the following questions:

• “Am I being kind and understanding to myself?”
• “Am I keeping my negative feelings about myself in perspective?”

If you still find yourself struggling, consider this advice from Serena Chen, psychology professor at the University of California, Berkeley. In the September-October 2018 edition of the Harvard Business Journal she suggests writing a letter to yourself in the third person, as if you were writing as a friend or family member. Since many of us are better at helping others than helping ourselves, this tactic might help you be kinder to yourself.

Professor Chen says that while the business community has gotten better about recognizing organizational failure is not final, we haven’t fully embraced the idea that personal failure can also be a growing experience. 

Be kind to others but also be kind to yourself and see what a difference this can make in your own life. If you’re a manager or leader, being kind to yourself will have a positive impact on everyone on your team. 

Getting Ready for 2020

There seems to be something about years that end in zeros that get more attention than those that don’t. Like the tweet reminding us that there are only a certain number of days left in the decade and to make them count.  We have no idea why this is, but since 2020 is fast approaching, it’s time to give thought about what to do differently in the year ahead. We don’t mean those pesky resolutions.  We mean big questions, such as:

• Who and what might inspire us in 2020?
• What do we want to learn in 2020?
• How can we contribute to make the world a better place in 2020?

For any of us, the first thing that needs to happen is to clear out some of the current noise to make room for more creativity. When we focus our attention on daily activities—routine tasks that we think are important but maybe aren’t that critical—we don’t allow time for creative thought or learning.

Jettison some of the activities that eat up so much time, so we can add new and exciting adventures.  Get rid of some things we don’t need to do.  For Barbara, maybe this is the year to take that French class she’s been talking about for years. For Cornelia, maybe traveling with her husband. For both of us, 2020 will be the year for us to publish a new and very different book. What about you?

In 2020, let new ideas inspire you. We plan to research and uncover some podcasts and blogs to not only follow but contribute to. Following a few people like Brene Brown and Seth Godin will provide inspiration and lots to think about. Like most writers, we are avid readers, so we’ll likely put together lists of books to read for pleasure, for research, and for life-long learning.  What about you?

Then there is the really big question—what am I going to do to make our world a better place? It’s so easy to put that aside. What can I do? I’m just one person? Italicized 

While that may be true, one person can make a difference in our world. Think about 16-year-old Greta Thunberg. She’s an environmental activist whose work on climate change has gained international recognition at the United Nations and so many other places.  She’s making a real impact on the world, and she’s a teenager! 

We live in a chaotic world, and since 2020 is a presidential election year in the U.S., it stands to reason it will be a time of great change and potential animosity.  Maybe each of us can contribute to making the world less chaotic in 2020 by being a better listener and treating everyone with kindness and respect. What about you?

Barbara and Cornelia