Loneliness at Work

Recently there’s been a lot of media focus on loneliness and work. In our fast-paced world, the attention on loneliness may not last, so let’s understand why this is extremely important at this time and beyond.

Cigna recently shared their research in the 2020 Report on America’s Loneliness Epidemic. It found that 61% of those surveyed were lonely at work. Surprisingly, 80% of Gen Z and 70% of Millennials said they are lonely.

Why should business leaders be concerned about a lot of lonely people out there? Because there are costs associated with it. The study found that lonely employees are five times more likely to take a day off work due to stress and are twice as likely to take sick days or consider quitting. 

Take a look at the Gallup 12 research that says that it is important for people to have a best friend at work. When people have a friend at work – someone with common interests to have lunch with and to connect with – they are less likely to be lonely and more likely to be productive. 

You can break the loneliness cycle in your workplace by fostering a more collaborative work environment. Consider ways to bring people together to problem solve or serve on cross-functional work teams giving them a chance to connect with people from other departments or functions. Encourage face-to-face communication by getting people moving – less texting, more walking over to talk to a coworker. Have no-texting Tuesdays.

Consider some ways to bring your employees together just to socialize:

• Monthly potluck lunches where everyone contributes a dish from a country that represents their heritage.  Food is a great way to bring people together.
• Speaking of food, assess common eating areas. Are they places where people can/want to go—places where they can sit with others, eat, and have a conversation? Encourage this and discourage grabbing something to eat and taking it to your desk to eat alone.
• Start a book club that meets during a monthly lunch break. It need not have a theme – whatever the group is interested in or organized around your industry. Either way, it’s a great way to socialize.
• Survey your team for ideas. For example, one organization found they had a lot of people who were training for a marathon, so they started a running club that spilled over to the weekends. When the employees ran the marathon, lots of their non-running coworkers went out to cheer them on and celebrated after it was over. 
• Start a mentoring program that encourages people to come together. Mentoring is a natural way to bring people together and has proven to be effective to help ward off loneliness at work.
• Consider doing some team building activities at each of your staff or all hands meetings. The more people know about each other as human beings, the easier it will be for them to connect.

Loneliness is something to be concerned about at work and in general. Connecting with remote employees is another challenge for a future blog.  For now, what can you do today to ensure that there are fewer lonely employees working for you?

Look Who’s on the Global Stage!

My Asian adventure continues. In December 2006, I was part of a delegation of HR professionals that travelled to China through the People to People program.  The trip took us to Beijing and Shanghai where we visited businesses, including Lenovo and Texas Instrument, universities, and the Ministry of Personnel of The People’s Republic of China.  

Entering the Ministry and taking part in the presentations and discussion was surreal.  It’s primary function is human capital development in the public sector—Chinese civil servants and employees at institutions providing social and service delivery functions, such as schools, research facilities, and medical centers.  We learned about its role in the transition of China from a planned to a market economy.  

At Tsinghua University’s School of Economics and Management in Beijing, we exchanged ideas about HR and management issues.  The faculty discussed their research on evolving business and management strategies and the emerging role for HR in China. Most of us in the delegation were surprised when a young and very assertive female Assistant Professor commented, "We encourage our old people to retire.” It was in response to a question regarding concern over losing institutional knowledge and experience. What we learned was that as China emerges from decades of a planned economy, they are suffering from a loss of talent, especially middle management.  What young managers and professionals lack most are experienced mentors.  Our take away from that discussion was their need for management training with an emphasis on middle management. Many of us in the delegation saw a big opportunity in that area.

Fast forward to February 2020.  Last week Barbara and I were each absolutely surprised and delighted to receive a very unexpected package in the mail.  Our publisher sent us presentation copies of the translation of The Manager’s Answer Book into Chinese and The Big Book of HR into Vietnamese. We knew that they sold the foreign rights to our books, and we knew The Big Book of HR had sold in countries such as Brazil, Germany, Spain, U.K., France, Australia, India, Mexico, Japan, Canada and Italy.  But to see it translated into two Asian languages—that was beyond our wildest expectations.

Looking back on that December 2006 afternoon at Tsinghua University, I’m delighted to be able to fill a part of that need for middle management training in China with The Manager’s Answer Book.

Cornelia Gamlem

When Love is in the Air at Work

“Oh, Maryanne. It was so awkward. I was so afraid they were going to see me.”

“Calm down, Allison,” I said to my friend, a young professional I’ve been mentoring. She was telling me that while she was on a date last weekend—a nice romantic dinner—she spotted two people from work, and there was nothing casual about the dinner they were having. 

“I spotted them across the room on our way in, and fortunately, the maître d’ escorted us into a smaller, more private room. Dave is so romantic,” she sighed, changing the subject for a moment.  “Anyway, they were holding hands and only had eyes for each other, which I guess was good for me.”

“I hope it didn’t spoil your date,” I said smiling. 

“It didn’t, but I know I’ve got to tell my boss tomorrow when he gets back from his trip. It’s tricky because the woman reports to the man she was with, and he heads up a significant line of business, and she manages one of the important projects. Is it an ethics violation if they’re married to other people and dating? Could we fire them for that?”

I knew this was a challenge for Allison. Her family was a close-knit one. Her grandparents just celebrated their 60^th wedding anniversary. I had to frame this as a business problem for her.

“Allison, look at your policies and the situation. You’ve told me your company has no restriction on dating. And whether or not anyone agrees with their behavior or morality on a personal level, it’s not necessarily a violation of business ethics. It doesn’t sound like there’s been a work-related issue until now. If there’s the perception that she’s receiving preferential treatment from him because of their reporting relationship and personal involvement, that could have a big impact.”

“What if anyone else has seen them?”

“Good point, Allison.  And let me say, they’ve not exercised good judgment by appearing in public while trying to keep this relationship secret. Why don’t you suggest to your boss that they be made a part of the solution?  I’m sure they are aware that their personal relationship was bound to have an effect at work. There may be a solution that you’re not aware of. I’m sure there are a number of options that can be explored.”  That seemed to relieve a little of Allison’s anxiety.

As I ended the call and took off my headset, I took a deep breath to clear my head. It's never black and white when you're dealing with people. There are always shades of grey, and managing in that grey zone is the biggest challenge.

Maryanne Robertson

P. S. Who is Maryanne Robertson and why is she writing this post? If you missed our January newsletter, you can find out more about Maryanne at

http://makingpeoplematter.blogspot.com/2020/01/meet-maryanne-robertson.html.

I Just Can’t Stop

It was a plea for help. A letter seeking workplace advice after the writer was placed on a performance improvement plan, and he knew the cause of his problem.  This employee often stays up very late at night watching sports, then has difficulty getting to work at 7:00 am the next morning for the start of an early shift. He exacerbates this habit by listening to sports radio all day. The advice that was offered—find a new job or a new hobby or habit.  What? While interesting, the advice doesn’t address the problem.

I’m not a therapist, so I can’t diagnose the problem, even if I suspected some sort of addiction may be involved. It was clear, however, the employee was not in denial.  He acknowledged he couldn’t stop his behavior.  If the problem had been presented to me, I would have asked, “Does your organization have an Employee assistance program?” 

Employee assistance programs, or EAPs, are a tremendous resource for organizations.  An EAP professional can help employees with problems affecting their lives and work and can help managers by assessing a situation and preparing them to address the problem with the employee so the outcome is positive for everyone. 

Of course, in the situation described above, the employee was aware that he had a problem.  That makes it easier to steer him in the right direction. Let him know that the EAP is a resource and explain how to contact them. 

However, that’s not always the case.  An employee may be in denial. Then what’s a manager to do?

Describe the behavior, to both the EAP professional and the employee, in detailed terms. Be specific about the behavior that is causing concern. Provide the employee explicit, quantifiable facts that are hard to refute. For example, “On Monday, you yelled at your co-worker in a tone of voice that was threatening. Several co-workers witnessed and reported it.” This helps to break through the employee's denial that a problem exists, and lets the employee know that you have noticed something. At this point you can offer the EAP as a resource.

When you’re speaking with the employee, keep in mind that you are not a therapist or healthcare provider. Avoid diagnosing the root of the problem. Leave this to the professionals. Your job is to focus on maintaining proficiency and productivity of your department.

Encouraging Others

Managing people is challenging, and we’re all looking for ways to have more impact. I recently came across a book I’ve had for a long time called 25 Ways to Win with People, How to Make Others Feel Like a Million Bucks by John C. Maxwell and Les Parrott, Ph.D. It is a quick read and is filled with stories, great examples, and ideas to try to encourage others.

One of my favorites is the chapter describes a simple rule to follow. Within 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to the other person. 

The authors suggest that by giving them “attention, affirmation, and appreciation” you will have a positive impact on others. Of course, your encouragement, which is positive feedback, must be genuine and as specific as possible.  According to the authors, research shows that encouraging others is motivating and actually gives them energy.  

To highlight this, they shared an example of the great NFL coach, Vince Lombardi, who was known as a strict disciplinarian but also a great motivator. After practice one day, he reprimanded a player about his performance in a practice but followed it up with, “One of these days, you’re going to be the best guard in the NFL.”  That player was Jerry Kramer who said he carried that encouragement throughout his hall of fame career.  He said, “Lombardi’s encouragement had a tremendous impact on my whole life. 

This chapter ends with these ideas:

• “Forget about searching for ways to make yourself look good. Instead, search for ways to make others look good.”
• “Ask what positive, encouraging thing can I say to each person I will see today?”
• “Give everyone you meet attention, affirmation, and appreciation.”
• “Remember within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging.”

Try this out with people you meet and most of all, with the people you manage. Say something that will encourage them as quickly as you can in any conversation. See what impact this has on them and how positively people respond to you. I’d love it if you let us know how this works for you.

Kind to Yourself

Ellen DeGeneres closes each of her shows with this challenge to her studio audience and viewers—Be kind to one another. I love that, especially in our toxic world. Beyond telling us to be kind to each other, Ellen puts her words into actions by helping raise money for the fires in Australia, or the earthquake in Puerto Rico, or a school in Louisiana where the teachers have to buy all the supplies for their classrooms.

This got me thinking. Yes, we must be kind to others, our family, friends, neighbors, or just our fellow human beings. But, in order to take care of others, don’t we have to take care of ourselves as well?  As the flight attendants say, “Put on your oxygen mask before helping someone else.”

Taking this idea into the world of work, what would happen if were kind to ourselves there? Some of you may be thinking of certain co-workers who are pretty easy on themselves. I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about you and me, and examining our own actions and reactions. 

When we experience a setback at work, what would happen if we were to treat ourselves as we would treat a co-worker experiencing the same situation? Most likely, we’d be understanding and compassionate—and, dare I say, kind—to others but we’re pretty hard on ourselves.

Failed projects and proposals or other work problems often cause many of us to either become defensive, looking for someone else to blame, or beat ourselves up for our incompetence or poor judgment in a situation. Neither of these actions are helpful in moving us forward.

What we should do is be kind to ourselves! Show more compassion and less judgment. Recognize everyone makes mistakes or experiences setbacks, and move past it. If you’re not certain if you’re doing this, ask the following questions:

• “Am I being kind and understanding to myself?”
• “Am I keeping my negative feelings about myself in perspective?”

If you still find yourself struggling, consider this advice from Serena Chen, psychology professor at the University of California, Berkeley. In the September-October 2018 edition of the Harvard Business Journal she suggests writing a letter to yourself in the third person, as if you were writing as a friend or family member. Since many of us are better at helping others than helping ourselves, this tactic might help you be kinder to yourself.

Professor Chen says that while the business community has gotten better about recognizing organizational failure is not final, we haven’t fully embraced the idea that personal failure can also be a growing experience. 

Be kind to others but also be kind to yourself and see what a difference this can make in your own life. If you’re a manager or leader, being kind to yourself will have a positive impact on everyone on your team. 

Meet Maryanne Robertson.

So, who is Maryanne exactly? And why should you meet her?  

Maryanne is the central character in our upcoming book. She’s the Chief HR Officer of a fictitious restaurant chain headquartered in a large Midwest city. And the issues she deals with, often daily, are complex and simply unbelievable. 

Of course, Maryanne doesn’t deal with these issues alone. That wouldn’t be any fun. She wants to teach and inspire her staff, support her management team, and share challenges and ideas with outside colleagues so they can learn and grow together. It’s through Maryanne and her colleagues that the stories in the book will be told.

A little more about Maryanne. She’s married to an employment attorney, which often makes for interesting pillow talk. And don’t expect them to always agree. After working several years for a management consulting firm, she returned to work at the restaurant chain, where she’d worked as a server during college, and eventually found her way from operations into HR because she was driven by the challenge of making people matter. 

Maryanne has the respect of her peers on the management team, but there’s always one exception.  Larry Blackstone, the CFO, thinks Maryanne only sees the people side, the soft side as he likes to say, of business. He forgets that while she was an assistant manager at one of the largest restaurants in the chain, she developed retention strategies that significantly reduced turnover and resulted in significant savings.

Kyle Greene, the employee relations manager who reports to Maryanne, thinks she’s amazing and is grateful to be working for her so early in his career. “She’s smart and attractive with her dark hair and bright green eyes. People take notice when she walks into a room. She has a soft, yet commanding, presence and is admired as a business leader in the community outside the company as well.”  

Someone from the outside business community who greatly respects her is Jason Edison, although they do have some history. They worked together in the management consulting firm Maryanne joined right out of college and have remained good friends and colleagues. It was Jason’s idea to start the networking group of HR Executives. They support each other by sharing problems and offering solutions. 

These are just some of the peers and colleagues you’ll meet along the way. And it’s through all of them that the stories in the book are told. In the coming months, we’ll give you glimpses into the types of stories you’ll read in the book. You’ll read tales about managing in the grey zone because people and the situations they put themselves into are rarely black and white.