Kind to Yourself

Ellen DeGeneres closes each of her shows with this challenge to her studio audience and viewers—Be kind to one another. I love that, especially in our toxic world. Beyond telling us to be kind to each other, Ellen puts her words into actions by helping raise money for the fires in Australia, or the earthquake in Puerto Rico, or a school in Louisiana where the teachers have to buy all the supplies for their classrooms.

This got me thinking. Yes, we must be kind to others, our family, friends, neighbors, or just our fellow human beings. But, in order to take care of others, don’t we have to take care of ourselves as well?  As the flight attendants say, “Put on your oxygen mask before helping someone else.”

Taking this idea into the world of work, what would happen if were kind to ourselves there? Some of you may be thinking of certain co-workers who are pretty easy on themselves. I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about you and me, and examining our own actions and reactions. 

When we experience a setback at work, what would happen if we were to treat ourselves as we would treat a co-worker experiencing the same situation? Most likely, we’d be understanding and compassionate—and, dare I say, kind—to others but we’re pretty hard on ourselves.

Failed projects and proposals or other work problems often cause many of us to either become defensive, looking for someone else to blame, or beat ourselves up for our incompetence or poor judgment in a situation. Neither of these actions are helpful in moving us forward.

What we should do is be kind to ourselves! Show more compassion and less judgment. Recognize everyone makes mistakes or experiences setbacks, and move past it. If you’re not certain if you’re doing this, ask the following questions:

• “Am I being kind and understanding to myself?”
• “Am I keeping my negative feelings about myself in perspective?”

If you still find yourself struggling, consider this advice from Serena Chen, psychology professor at the University of California, Berkeley. In the September-October 2018 edition of the Harvard Business Journal she suggests writing a letter to yourself in the third person, as if you were writing as a friend or family member. Since many of us are better at helping others than helping ourselves, this tactic might help you be kinder to yourself.

Professor Chen says that while the business community has gotten better about recognizing organizational failure is not final, we haven’t fully embraced the idea that personal failure can also be a growing experience. 

Be kind to others but also be kind to yourself and see what a difference this can make in your own life. If you’re a manager or leader, being kind to yourself will have a positive impact on everyone on your team. 

Meet Maryanne Robertson.

So, who is Maryanne exactly? And why should you meet her?  

Maryanne is the central character in our upcoming book. She’s the Chief HR Officer of a fictitious restaurant chain headquartered in a large Midwest city. And the issues she deals with, often daily, are complex and simply unbelievable. 

Of course, Maryanne doesn’t deal with these issues alone. That wouldn’t be any fun. She wants to teach and inspire her staff, support her management team, and share challenges and ideas with outside colleagues so they can learn and grow together. It’s through Maryanne and her colleagues that the stories in the book will be told.

A little more about Maryanne. She’s married to an employment attorney, which often makes for interesting pillow talk. And don’t expect them to always agree. After working several years for a management consulting firm, she returned to work at the restaurant chain, where she’d worked as a server during college, and eventually found her way from operations into HR because she was driven by the challenge of making people matter. 

Maryanne has the respect of her peers on the management team, but there’s always one exception.  Larry Blackstone, the CFO, thinks Maryanne only sees the people side, the soft side as he likes to say, of business. He forgets that while she was an assistant manager at one of the largest restaurants in the chain, she developed retention strategies that significantly reduced turnover and resulted in significant savings.

Kyle Greene, the employee relations manager who reports to Maryanne, thinks she’s amazing and is grateful to be working for her so early in his career. “She’s smart and attractive with her dark hair and bright green eyes. People take notice when she walks into a room. She has a soft, yet commanding, presence and is admired as a business leader in the community outside the company as well.”  

Someone from the outside business community who greatly respects her is Jason Edison, although they do have some history. They worked together in the management consulting firm Maryanne joined right out of college and have remained good friends and colleagues. It was Jason’s idea to start the networking group of HR Executives. They support each other by sharing problems and offering solutions. 

These are just some of the peers and colleagues you’ll meet along the way. And it’s through all of them that the stories in the book are told. In the coming months, we’ll give you glimpses into the types of stories you’ll read in the book. You’ll read tales about managing in the grey zone because people and the situations they put themselves into are rarely black and white.

A Challenge for 2020

Best places to work. These competitions abound on the national and on the local level.  They cause many people to stop and think: Are they really objective?  That’s often going to depend on the process, the judging criteria and the judges.  I was asked to serve as a judge last year in a best professional contest.  With some reluctance I said yes.  Reluctance turned to enthusiasm when I received the well-defined criteria and realized that being new to the community, I didn’t know any of the entrants.  I could be totally objective and judge them against the standards.  And my top candidate won. 

It’s great when employees feel there is something special about finding a job, a company, an organization where they genuinely enjoy going to work every day and even putting in extra hours sometimes.  Who do you want judging you as an employer – a panel of external judges or your employees? 

Consider the following excerpt from an Albuquerque Journal article that appeared on December 12, 2019 about a local, top workplaces competition.  Two of the questions in survey for the 2019 competition were:  How satisfied are you with your job? How satisfied are you with your organization?  Some of the rave reviews from employees surveyed among last year’s winners include:

• Decisions are made based on member impact and the bottom line is not the primary focus. People who work here are generally passionate about helping our members and our community.
• I have the ability to make a meaningful difference in people’s lives every day.
• Have never worked in a place that makes you feel so welcome and needed.
• I really enjoy coming to work because it’s a very positive environment to be in! I love what I do and enjoy learning new things, but especially spending time with the students because they are an important part of our community and our lives.
• This job allows me to work to my strengths. I am able to balance work and personal life with my work setting. I love the people that I work with, they are all supportive.
• Every day is different, challenging and exciting.
• I am able to do what I love and grow.
• I enjoy my co-workers, team work and making the job fun. I look forward to coming to work every day for another new adventure. Having management understand and support our team is a huge factor.
• Every person I have interacted with is so helpful and happy to help teach me something new. I have never felt discouraged or dreaded coming into work. I truly feel like I am making a difference in other’s lives even without presently meeting them face to face.

Here’s the challenge for 2020: Think of the accolades you want your employees to shower on you as an employer – or even as a manager. Then make it happen. Engage your team every work day during the coming year. Get some ideas on page 37 of The Manager’s Answer Book.

Love of Learning—A Life-Long Challenge

I am honored to be one of more than 6,000 volunteers at The Smithsonian Institution.  As a docent at The Smithsonian American Art Museum, I conduct video conferences with school children and adults across America.  We share the art that tells America’s stories in two-way video conferences where I can see them, and they can see me along with the works of art I choose to show.

The Smithsonian Institution named a new leader in 2019, and the ceremony was both informational and emotional.  Many of the distinguished speakers talked about the new Secretary, Dr. Lonnie Bunch’s, passion for learning, and that’s what The Smithsonian is all about.

At a time when learning doesn’t seem as valued as I think it should be, it was refreshing to hear speakers at the ceremony, including Chief Justice Roberts, talk about the importance and the power of life-long learning.  We need to continue to learn both as individuals and as business leaders or in whatever vocation we’ve chosen. And, the best part of learning today is that it has never been easier.

Consider how easy it is for anyone to listen to a podcast while sitting in traffic while commuting or while on a long road trip. Think about what’s available on YouTube—not just to entertain us but to inform and educate us and our children.

As business leaders, it is extremely important that we provide development opportunities to our employees. They want to expand their knowledge, and we need to make it easy for them to take advantage of the learning that will make them better at their jobs and better as people. Employee development is a powerful engagement and retention tool.

Developing the skills and abilities of our employees does not necessarily mean sending them to training, or bringing training in-house. While training can be valuable, we need to open our minds to what other ways we can encourage our employees to love learning.

Here’s a challenge for you: Be an example to your employees by letting them see you expanding your skills and knowledge. They need to see you reading books and articles. They need to see you attending industry events where learning is emphasized. They need to see you demonstrate your love of learning.  I hope you’ll accept this challenge and make 2020 a year in which you revisit your own love of learning and motivate others to do the same.

And, if you’re in DC for any reason, take time to visit us at one of the many Smithsonian instillations.

Barbara Mitchell

Getting Ready for 2020

There seems to be something about years that end in zeros that get more attention than those that don’t. Like the tweet reminding us that there are only a certain number of days left in the decade and to make them count.  We have no idea why this is, but since 2020 is fast approaching, it’s time to give thought about what to do differently in the year ahead. We don’t mean those pesky resolutions.  We mean big questions, such as:

• Who and what might inspire us in 2020?
• What do we want to learn in 2020?
• How can we contribute to make the world a better place in 2020?

For any of us, the first thing that needs to happen is to clear out some of the current noise to make room for more creativity. When we focus our attention on daily activities—routine tasks that we think are important but maybe aren’t that critical—we don’t allow time for creative thought or learning.

Jettison some of the activities that eat up so much time, so we can add new and exciting adventures.  Get rid of some things we don’t need to do.  For Barbara, maybe this is the year to take that French class she’s been talking about for years. For Cornelia, maybe traveling with her husband. For both of us, 2020 will be the year for us to publish a new and very different book. What about you?

In 2020, let new ideas inspire you. We plan to research and uncover some podcasts and blogs to not only follow but contribute to. Following a few people like Brene Brown and Seth Godin will provide inspiration and lots to think about. Like most writers, we are avid readers, so we’ll likely put together lists of books to read for pleasure, for research, and for life-long learning.  What about you?

Then there is the really big question—what am I going to do to make our world a better place? It’s so easy to put that aside. What can I do? I’m just one person? Italicized 

While that may be true, one person can make a difference in our world. Think about 16-year-old Greta Thunberg. She’s an environmental activist whose work on climate change has gained international recognition at the United Nations and so many other places.  She’s making a real impact on the world, and she’s a teenager! 

We live in a chaotic world, and since 2020 is a presidential election year in the U.S., it stands to reason it will be a time of great change and potential animosity.  Maybe each of us can contribute to making the world less chaotic in 2020 by being a better listener and treating everyone with kindness and respect. What about you?

Barbara and Cornelia

“Bumpy Roads Lead to Beautiful Places”

I’m a loyal Washington Nationals fan so I must write about their amazing 2019 World Series win. No one, except for the players and management, ever thought this would happen—especially in late May when their record was 19 wins and 31 losses.

Nationals’ manager, Dave Martinez, credits his mother for the quote “Bumpy roads lead to beautiful places.”  Perhaps it’s an adaptation of Zig Ziglar’s “Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations. The best is yet to come.” Nevertheless, it certainly has proven true for the Washington Nationals.

There isn’t one, single thing that made the difference between a 19 and 31 record in May and a World Series win. The owners increased their contribution so that the General Manager could add players to the roster. Every player and every coach had to step up, and they did.

It’s common for managers who encounter adversity to blame others or want to take drastic action such as fire people, but the Nationals did it differently. In addition to adding strength to the pitching, especially in the bull pen, the Nationals took a simple but powerful action that most likely made the biggest difference. It is the manager’s challenge to the players to go 1 and 0 every day.  Rather than obsess about the 19 and 31 record, he focused them on winning one game at a time—keep winning so that they could be World Champions.  He didn’t let them get ahead of themselves, and he certainly didn’t let them beat themselves up about the losses. The goal was, “Let’s focus on today and go 1 and 0.”

And then there was the fun element. If you saw any of the post-game coverage or the amazing parade the Saturday after game seven and the win, you saw and heard that this is a team that loves each other and loves to have fun.  While the Baby Shark music can drive me crazy in 11 seconds, it was something that was electric at Nat’s Park and got people from any age group, kids to grandparents, involved. 

There’s a lesson in all of this for managers. How could you adapt this strategy to your team? Do you set realistic goals? Do you celebrate when your employees meet or exceed their productivity goals? When you hit a bump in the road, what do you do?

Do you allow your employees to have some fun at work? Building in some time for people to get to know each other and have some fun may make your organization more productive. Give it a try!

When you hit a bumpy road—whether as a manager or in your personal life—focus on where you’re headed and celebrate when you get to the beautiful destination. Adversity can be a great motivator, or it can stop us in our tracks. It is up to you.

Barbara Mitchell

Gratitude and Reflection

Labyrinths—those meandering paths, often unicursal, with a singular path leading to a center. Dating back 4,000 years or more, labyrinths are used symbolically, as a walking meditation, a choreographed dance, or a site of rituals and ceremonies, among other things. Labyrinths are tools for personal, psychological and spiritual transformation, which can invoke mindfulness and a state of personal contemplation. They can also be wonderful tools for community building or team building.

I recently learned that there are more than 100 labyrinths in New Mexico, where I now reside. They are in churchyards, school playgrounds, public parks and private retreats throughout the state. I know there is one in a churchyard not far from where I live. And I’ve walked one at Ghost Ranch in Abiquiu, NM.  There are several in the Washington DC metro area where Barbara lives as well.

It’s probably no accident that I came across this information about labyrinths this month in New Mexico Magazine.  November is a month for reflection and gratitude—time to pay homage to the people and things that are important. And New Mexico is such a restful and contemplative place. 

Consider what’s been accomplished in your organization this year and take time to celebrate those successes.  Give thanks to the people who made those successes happen.  Reflect on your own organizations culture—its traditions and celebrations.  It’s a perfect time to review the past, and learn some lessons from past experiences before looking to the future and the year ahead.

Barbara and I have a lot to be grateful for this year. We’ve had some wonderful opportunities to talk about our books and are very grateful to all of our readers who support us.  We’ve had wonderful feedback from our beta readers for our upcoming book which is on track to be published during 2020. We’re grateful to them for being part of our journey. 

You don’t necessarily have to walk a labyrinth to reflect on the past year, but if you want more information about them, including the location of one near you, contact the Labyrinth Society (https://labyrinthsociety.org).  If you decide to experience one, step into it with purpose while you pray, recite a mantra or walk in silence as you reflect. No matter what you do, take some time during this month of gratitude to consider all the things that grace your life.