“Did you ask them, Jason, if they know why they have two ears and one mouth? It’s because they’re supposed to spend more time listening than talking,” said Ellen Cooper.
Jason Edison was delighting the networking group with a tale about intervening with a client who had two teams that couldn’t communicate with each other. So they decided to form a committee of four people, two from each team, to try to solve the problem. Things went downhill from there. When Jason joined the committee’s first meeting, everyone was talking over each other and him.
“First I had to whistle to get their attention. Then explain I’m a coach, not a referee,” he said. “Once I got control, I laid down some ground rules. No interruptions, especially when someone’s talking. Respect all viewpoints. Listen with an open mind.”
That’s the thing about conflict. Often the people involved get embroiled in their emotions. They don’t see issues clearly. That’s where a third-party facilitator can move the conversation forward. And Jason is a terrific facilitator, so I asked him what happened next.
“I had each team appoint a spokesperson, then gave the first one a chance to state her team’s concern. Then I asked the other team’s spokesperson, ‘What did you hear her say?’ This allowed the receiver to summarize what was said from his viewpoint and gave the initial speaker the opportunity to confirm or clarify what she said. Then, I reversed the process and the second spokesperson stated his team’s concern followed by summary and clarification. Before long we had a list of issues written down.”
“Now what?” said Ellen. “How are you going to resolve their concerns, Jason?”
“That’s the thing, I’m not. It’s their problem to solve. Someone said he liked the ground rules I set and asked if they’d work if both teams were brought together.”
“Sounds like they want to brainstorm, Jason,” I said.
“Exactly,” he said, explaining that the committee members will take the list of issues back to their respective teams. Once the teams review them, the committee will convene a meeting of both teams, communicating ground rules in advance and asking for agreement.
- No interruptions.
- Everyone should contribute an option to resolve the conflict, and all options are encouraged.
- Listen with an open mind. No criticizing.
- All options are written down. Nothing is discounted or ignored.
- Options will be evaluated at a separate meeting.
“The committee members asked me to facilitate the brainstorming session, which I agreed to do, provided everyone agreed to the ground rules. If all goes well, I’ll also facilitate the second meeting when they evaluate options. I’ll let you know what happens next month.”
This discussion reminded the group of essential elements of managing conflict. The parties involved 1) have to own it and have to solve the problem; 2) should create multiple options for resolution is important; and 3) separate the process of creating options and evaluating them. It was really timely, too, since April is Workplace Conflict Awareness Month.
Maryanne Robertson
P. S. Who is Maryanne Robertson and why is she writing this post? If you missed our January newsletter, you can find out more about Maryanne at
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