Dancing and Leading in the Dark

In traditional ballroom dancing when couples pair up, the man is the leader. I know that statement has some inherent flaws in 2017. For example, what if a same-sex couple is dancing, then who leads? Who made the rule that men always lead in a dance anyway? These are valid objections, but for the moment, let’s stay with the “tradition” – right or wrong.

Last year my husband and I were invited to a dance party sponsored by a local dance studio. The evening included a dance lesson for the attendees – all happened to be traditional, heterosexual couples. The lesson began with the couples lining up – men in one line and women in the other. After practicing basic moves with the partner you arrived with, the men were asked to switch to the next woman in the line for the next set – just as my husband and I were getting into a rhythm. This switching continued every five or ten minutes. 

It was interesting practicing with different partners and it took some serious concentration. Not every partner was as comfortable as the last, and one was particularly challenging for me. He towered over my five-foot frame and danced with a bravado and gusto that matched his over six-foot frame. He’d twirl me out at arm’s length– his arm’s length, not mine – causing me to almost twist my knee on a number of occasions. I noticed that his wife was much taller than me – almost equal in height to him – so these moves must have worked well for them. They certainly didn’t for me. He was making no effort to adjust to a new partner.

Ken Blanchard and Paul Hersey based their situational leadership model on the theory that instead of using just one style, successful leaders change their leadership styles based on factors such as the situation, the details of the task, and their relationships with the people they are leading. This means that a good leader will take a different approach to fit the situation or task or when they are working with different individuals. I wished that my challenging dance partner had applied this theory when he danced with me. While the task (dancing) didn’t change, his partner (me) and the situation (my height versus his wife’s height) did and he didn’t take the opportunity to assess these changes nor adjust his style. I graciously excused myself before the set was over. In a business setting, this might not have been possible. 

Recently we attended an event entitled “Dancing in the Dark” to support The Foundation for Blindness.  After dinner, attendees were invited to a group dance lesson where they danced while blindfolded. While I appreciate the challenges that the visually impaired face, after my last experience with a group dance lesson, I was skeptical about dancing in the dark with a stranger – especially when neither of us can assess the situation and make adjustments. I’d like the opportunity to introduce myself to each new partner and provide some details about my physical characteristics. This would certainly provide the opportunity to assess the new situation and the individual involved. 

While dancing in the dark may be an interesting experiment to educate the sighted world about the reality in which the visually impaired live, leaders can’t be “in the dark” when they lead. They have to be informed of the facts and aware of the situations and the people around them if they want to be effective. They have to know who and what they are leading!

Leaders can’t make assumptions without the facts. I admit, I was guilty of this when I assumed I’d have to dance in the dark with strangers. It turns out that I danced with my husband while, like everyone else dancing, bumping into other couples on the dance floor. And the experience was “eye-opening!”

Is This For Real?

At an event I attended, a commentator said that in a conflict it's the perceived facts rather than the real facts that are important. Yes, I agree that perceptions may give rise to conflict, but if you want to resolve them, getting the underlying facts is critical.

Perceived facts are often rooted in assumptions. I read a perfect example of how assumptions can start controversy. I often read Carolyn Hax' column in The Washington Post. A recent column was based on an on-line discussion. The original writer described a common situation – someone gets on an elevator and rides it only one floor and the action is often met with snide comments or rude stares. The writer happened to know an individual with a hidden disability who must limit her use of stairs. Someone chimed in admitting she was an occasional eye-roller, and she didn't understand what "hidden disability" meant, but went on to profess that obesity is a huge problem in this country that's consuming health-care resources.

Wait! The original writer never said anything about obesity. She didn't say anything about the nature of her friend's hidden disability. It was the anonymous responder – the eye-roller – who, absent having any facts, made an assumption and reached an erroneous conclusion. Carolyn Hax made the excellent point in her reply that "silent judgments" are not harmless, but rather they are dehumanizing and can be deeply polarizing.

I was cringing as I read the column, thinking of how the discussion might have played out had it happened in the workplace. Things could have turned toxic quickly. Some of the questions I would have liked to have asked the occasional eye roller:

1.     From the information presented, what makes you believe that all hidden disabilities are related to obesity?

2.     Can you explain why you are assigning blame?

3.     If you don’t understand what a hidden disability is, can you help me understand how you have come to make a silent judgment about someone?

I would have asked the original writer more about the nature of her friend's disability, not to pry, but from a curiosity point of view – to genuinely learn and gain a broader understanding.

The eye-roller made statements based on her perceptions and assumptions. They were certainly lacking in understanding and respect. As a result, she made, as Ms. Hax noted, "baseless judgments."

In any conflict, it's important to have the real facts. Otherwise, comments, or worse, insults, get batted back and forth and nothing gets solved. "What's the Problem" is the title of one of the chapters in The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook. It's devoted to getting and giving good information – in other words, the real facts.

Listening Really Matters

 Winston Churchill said, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”

We’ve all heard that most Americans fear public speaking more than they fear death but, until I read the Churchill quote, I’d never thought that it takes courage to listen. I think he’s definitely right.  Most of us would rather talk than listen—even when we have nothing really important to say. Maybe it’s a little dramatic to say it takes courage to listen but it certainly is an extremely important communication skill and one that is vital to success in business or in life.

In a business setting, having good listening skills are critical to success and developing those skills takes effort and, dare I say it—courage.  So many leaders don’t stop to listen to the people around them. They are too busy believing they know all the answers to think they might learn something if they sit down and listen.

Good listening is an active process—it’s not just being quiet until the other person stops talking so you can say what you think.  Good listeners interact with the speaker to ask questions.  Good listeners watch for verbal cues while processing the words they’re hearing.  Good listeners listen for what’s not being said—some call this “listening for the music and not just the words.”

Good listeners must exercise a good deal of restraint and not jump to conclusions based on a few early words from the speaker.  If you haven’t listened carefully to what the speaker is saying, your initial judgment can be the cause of you dismissing the rest of what’s being said and that can be fatal!

Ralph Nichols of The University of Minnesota says as reported in Michael Roberto’s book Know What you what you don’t Know—How Great Leaders Prevent Problems Before they Happen-- that he encourages his students to listen more effectively by having a statement at the top of each white board that says, “Withhold evaluation until comprehension is complete—hear the speaker out. It is important that we understand the speaker’s point of view before we accept or reject it.”

There are many things to be aware of that get in the way as we listen or even try to listen:

·       Setting

·       Distractions

·       Timing

·       Beliefs

·       Perceptions

·       Emotions

·       Cultural differences

·       Relationships

·       Word usage

·       Assumptions

In our most recent book, The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook, we devoted an entire chapter to the importance of good listening skills in managing workplace conflict. We talk about how to use active listening, gestures, eye contact, and reflective listening skills to improve the listening experience. 

So, be courageous and work to be a better listener and see how this improves your working and personal relationships!

Getting Innovation Right

Throughout the year we’ve been talking about innovation. Innovation equals success. Innovation is about adding value to your organization and to the marketplace. As the year draws to a close, it’s a good time to reflect how you can position your organization to leverage the marketplace and add value.

In his book, Getting Innovation Right, Seth Kahan's theme is the best ideas are useless if they don't add value. Kahan highlights suggested activities for leaders in order to drive success for their innovations in the marketplace.

1.  Pursue and leverage inflection points - those dramatic and decisive shifts in your relationship with the market whether positive or negative. Anticipate them and use them to your advantage. Positive ones can grow your base, increase you offerings and customer loyalty, and improve your place in the market.

2. Build innovation capacity. Developing new products and services has a stress factor. Does your organization have what it takes to channel those pressures and turn them into productive use? Strong innovation leaders do this through strong internal leadership, exceptional talent management, and robust idea management. They manage critical forces, talk to the right people, build partnerships, and hire and develop people who understand and embrace the power of innovation.

3.  Collect intelligence. The best innovation rises from a sea of products, services, customers, competitors, and internal equities. Your intelligence gather efforts should start with the interrelated areas of customers, market conditions and organizational capabilities. Be sure you’ve defined the scope, determined your goals, conducted interviews, consulted sources, and performed your due diligence.  Gathering and applying pertinent information must be an on-going effort to enhance the quality of your strategic decisions.

4.  Shift perspective. Challenge your own assumptions. They may be constraining your ability to see new opportunities. Get out from your own box. Listen to your employees, partners, customers and competitors.  Seeing the world through new alternatives and points of view helps to identify opportunities to pivot into a positive inflection point that will drive success.

5.  Exploit disruption. Disruption is part of business life today and it can come from anywhere. Just like conflict, if it’s ignored or mismanaged, it can be disastrous. Successful leaders identify the opportunity embedded in adverse conditions and exploit it – disruptions such as customer challenges, industry change, fierce competition and new business models. Turn turmoil to your advantage.

6.  Generate value.  Value is what causes people to separate from their hard-earned cash, drive investors to invest, and shoppers to shop. It’s a perceived benefit – such as the value of brand (Coke vs. Pepsi). Skillful innovators understand what drives value, what it looks like to customers and all their stakeholders, and how to generate by delivering something more, better or new.

7.  Drive Innovation uptake – customer acceptance of a new product or service. When you align your innovations with what your customers value, they become your ambassadors. Every stage of the innovation process holds opportunity to introduce new ideas into the market and engage your customers. Working together you move from a mere transaction toward a generative relationship.

To help his readers get innovation right, Kahan provides tools and techniques, templates and guidelines, and step-by-step instructions. If you’re thinking of what you want to accomplish in 2016, this may be a great place to start!

The Red Suitcase

I was getting ready to board a flight with my husband, the second leg of a flight to our final destination.  I travel light and carry my luggage on board.  With me was my red roller-bag – the one that has an interesting, deceiving contour.  It slopes up, but the highest part of the case is the same height as a normal roller-bag.  It fits in the overhead bin, handle first versus wheels first.  It’s the same size as all the other roller-bags.

The gate agent stopped me and said, “You’ll have to check the bag – it won’t fit.”  “Yes it will,” I said.  “Wheels first?” he asked.  “No, it fits ….” I started to reply before he cut me off.  “Then you’ll have to check it,” he scowled.  As I began to measure it to prove that its dimensions were a standard fit, my husband joined the conversation. “It fit in the overhead bin just fine on the last flight.”  The gate agent finally acquiesced, after wasting precious time during the boarding process – all because my suitcase had a slightly different look.   I understood his concern – that if I placed it in the bin horizontally it would take up too much room.

We were early to board, and after settling in my seat, I observed one gentleman very nonchalantly placing two bags horizontally in the overhead bin – not appearing to care about other passengers.  I couldn’t help but wonder if he was scolded by the gate agent as I was.  I observed a woman place a carry-on bag that should have gone under her seat in the overhead bin without a care in the world taking room where another roller-bag could have gone. 

We make assumptions all the time.  Sometimes they are based on people’s characteristics, sometimes prior experiences.  We make assumptions about new or different things or ideas because we've had no experience with them. Ninety-five percent of what we do, we do with an unconscious mind. The gate agent was so focused on the shape of my suitcase, he lost sight of the other passengers. Focus is good – I certainly want the pilot focused on his job. When focus becomes rigid, it runs the risk of taking all judgment out of the process.

Bottom line is that when we make assumptions, we're looking backwards and making judgments.  We're blocking our ability to see how the person, thing or idea can contribute to the organization.  We're letting our biases overshadow our thinking.  We’re stifling creativity and creativity and innovation are important in today's business environment.