Curious about Conflict?

 

Since we’ve written two books about conflict, The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook and The Conflict Resolution Phrase Book, we’ve done a number of interviews on the subject. To end Workplace Conflict Awareness Month, we’re going to share some of our favorite questions with some updated answers. 

Question: What are some tips you have for managers and business owners on handling conflict within their businesses whether it’s with their employees or other business associates? 

Answer:  Conflict is often creativity trying to happen, but keep in mind that creativity is a process. Creativity can bring fresh ideas into the organization. So, don’t always be quick to avoid conflict, unless it becomes destructive.  

Value and manage the relationships in your workforce. Everyone makes contributions and brings different ideas. Welcome new and different perspectives.  Well-managed conflict can be very positive in moving relationships and the organization along.

Finally, identify the problem at the root of the conflict so you’re certain you’re addressing the right issue.  Ask good questions and give good information.  Don’t get hung up on extraneous and irrelevant facts that have nothing to do with the issue. Resolving a conflict is really solving a problem.

Question: You mentioned well-managed conflicts. What are some ways you can assure a conflict is a well-managed one?

Answer: Listening is key to maintaining good relationships and getting good information. In a well-managed conflict, people share varying ideas, and the others should be listening without judgment, and not thinking how they are going to respond to the speaker.  If you stop and acknowledge “I’m going to hear what he or she is say without getting defensive or argumentative,” you can have some pretty amazing results. 

Take the time to really listen to each other. In doing so, it may occur to you that you never thought about what the other person is saying, and that may spark a good discussion. 

If you’re asked a question, pay attention and answer the question that’s asked.  Giving information that’s not relevant is frustrating and can derail an otherwise effective conversation.

Question:  Organizational change is constant in today’s business environment.  How can managers help employees deal with change to minimize conflict?

Answer: “Spring is a lovely reminder of how beautiful change can truly be.” And in 2021, spring has never looked brighter after a year-long pandemic that we’re emerging from.

Change can be uncomfortable for everyone, but it can also bring new energy into the organization. The challenge is getting through it. We’ve experienced lots of changes in 2020, and organizations are preparing for new ones as people head back to work.

Managers must recognize that people respond to change in different ways. Don’t forget that every individual employee has different needs during these times. Listen carefully when change is announced in your organization so you are comfortable explaining the change to your employees. 

Be honest with employees and explain what is driving the change. Communicate realistic expectations. For example, if your organization is moving to new working arrangements, employees will want to know where they fit in a changing organization. Be flexible and ready to adjust expectations as things progress. 

To learn more about our books on conflict management, visit our website at https://www.bigbookofhr.com/the-conflict-books

How Are They Doing?

While a good manager always pays attention to their staff, right now is a critical time to lean closer to hear how they’re doing.

With so much uncertainty still facing us, and with the personal pressures your staff may be experiencing because of virtual learning, anxiety of getting vaccinated, and who knows what else, you should be paying close attention to just how people are feeling.

Here’s a simple idea to try—ask, “How are you feeling today or this week or right now?” Of course, you must sincerely want to know how that person is feeling, and you must listen carefully to the response you get. Be sure to ask all the employees on your team.

Don’t be surprised if you get a casual response at first because they aren’t sure you really want to know the truth. How can you convince them to open up? By sharing how you’re feeling and that may not be easy for some of you.

We’ve shared tips in previous blogs about the power of showing vulnerability, but this is even more personal. What if you shared how stressed you are and what you’re doing to move through the stress? Your team will see an entirely different side of you and that you are just as vulnerable to the stresses of our current work environment as they are.

You should have the “how are you doing” conversation privately, but you can share your own stressors with your team at your weekly meeting—whether it is virtual or in person. 

If you hear things from your team in your one-on-one conversations that you can change or impact in some practical way, move as quickly as possible. Maybe it’s a change in their schedule that could make their day a lot simpler to navigate. Maybe it’s a deadline that could be adjusted. Maybe it’s a report that they think has outlived its usefulness and if they could stop doing it, the time they saved could make all the difference in their productivity or in their personal life.

So, show your human side and don’t worry—they will respect you even more than they already do, and you could make a real difference in a life. That difference might save an employee from resigning due to competing schedules and wouldn’t that be worth it all?

Barbara Mitchell

Trust, Transparency, and Vulnerability

 

Sometimes, people link trust to transparency as if they are either interchangeable or one is dependent on the other. I do believe a successful leader must be trusted by their followers and that a leader should be as transparent as humanly possible -- especially when so much of our work is being done remotely.

We know that trust isn't something a leader can demand or even build. Trust must be earned. Trust is earned when we demonstrate competence, reliability, honesty, and kindness. According to Rachel Botsman, an academic and author at Oxford University, "trust is earned in the smallest moments, not through heroic deeds or highly visible acts."

We also know that employees always seem to want to know more than they probably need to or should know. And if you say you are being transparent and then legitimately hold back information the staff thinks should be shared, will their level of trust be diminished? Maybe yes, and then what?

Here's a thought. What if we didn't link transparency to trust but instead coupled it with vulnerability? How might that help leaders earn trust?

Patrick Lencioni, author of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, says that strong leaders are the ones who aren't afraid to show vulnerability -- especially when they admit they don't have all the answers. When we show vulnerability to our employees and it is authentic, we're going a long way toward earning the trust of our teams. A vulnerable leader can inspire greatness and engender trust.

Showing vulnerability can also encourage questions that might lead to workplace solutions. When the leader acknowledges they don't have all the answers, it encourages others to share their ideas and maybe even share their own vulnerability. 

Other ways to build trust are:

• Live your values every day
• Listen more than you talk
• Get to know your employees and trust them to make good decisions
• Operate in a way that encourages openness and transparency
• Treat everyone with respect
• Show your employees that you value them as individuals -- not just for their work
• Communicate often
• Set clear expectations and hold people accountable

Be transparent when you can, trust your team, and let them see your "not so perfect" side from time to time, and odds are you will earn the trust of your staff. 

Inspiring Confidence

A local business owner shared an interesting experience with me recently. She received an inquiry through her company’s website. Would she be interested in a certain niche service for her business? Her interest was piqued enough to want additional information and she thought a phone call would be helpful.  So, she conferred with her business partner and then responded to the email suggesting a phone call with the individual who contacted her.

Now you know how difficult it is to coordinate a call among three people. Here’s what happened next:  After numerous emails among the three, a call was finally arranged with Billy, the business developer who’d sent the inquiry. The next day, Billy sent an email advising that the call would be with Justin, the founder, because Justin took all new business development calls. Strange, but okay thought the partners.  Justin tried to join a call on Tuesday, but the call was scheduled for Friday because Tuesday didn’t work for the partners. Justin wasn’t available on Friday, the day arranged by Billy.  Confused yet? They sure were. They asked Justin to provide available days and times for a call.  He took two weeks to respond.  

There’s an old saying — too many cooks spoil the broth. Justin sure spoiled a potential business opportunity for his firm for a number of reasons:

• Lack of clear communication — when would the call take place,
• Lack of clear expectations — with whom would the call take place; and
• Lack of trust, at least that’s what the partners perceived — didn’t he trust Billy to take an initial call with potential clients?

At this point, the partners had pretty much written off Justin and his firm. They were questioning if things were this difficult to get a simple call arranged, what would they encounter if they proceeded with a business arrangement? Simply stated, Justin hadn’t inspired confidence in himself or his firm.

Confidence, like trust, isn’t an event. It’s a process. Confidence and trust are something you build over time — with your employees, with your clients and customers and with your stakeholders.  Set expectations in the beginning of the business relationship and reinforce them. Have clear processes and communicate those processes early to everyone affected by them. You want your employees and your customers to be emotionally engaged in a positive way.  The emotional engagement the partners in this story experienced was confusion.  Justin’s going to have to work hard to change that.

What Employee’s Value from Work: Tips From The Manager’s Answer Book

The Washington Post, using an independent research organization, does an annual survey called Top Workplaces.  They publish the results in their Sunday Post magazine.

It’s not surprising to learn employees surveyed are looking for organizations where they have confidence in the firm’s direction.  Even in a time of low unemployment, this shouldn’t come as a surprise. Said in a slightly different way, employees want transparency from their leaders.

The Post’s survey also showed that employees want to work for an organization with high ethics and where the organization’s values are lived. Most well managed organizations publish their values, but some have trouble living up to or demonstrating them. This is not what today’s workers are looking for in an employer.

The result that did surprise me is that 67% of the respondents said they value working in a place were different points of view are encouraged. This is great news. People want to work where there is diversity of thought.

High on the list of things people value is having a good manager. The adage that “people don’t leave organizations—they leave managers” reinforces what the respondents said in this survey. Strong managers who set clear expectations and hold people accountable tend to be the kind of managers people want to work with.

Manager’s Tips:  If holding employees accountable is a struggle for you, The Manager’s Answer Book addresses this issue and here is a portion of the answer:

Managers should hold their people accountable for their work but before you can do that, clear expectations must be set. One of your most important roles as a manager is letting your team know what is expected of each of them. If they are new to our organization or your team, if you’re starting a new project, or if you are asking for something you’ve never asked of them before, they need you to be clear on issues such as:

• When is the task/project due?
• What are the key deliverables?
• Are there milestones for check in?
• What will success look like at the conclusion of the project
• How will my performance be measured?

See page 76 of The Manager’s Answer Book for more information on setting expectations and holding employees accountable.

As you work to improve your managerial skills, keep in mind what people value from work and if you don’t already do so, maybe you want to ask your own team what’s important to them.  You may learn valuable information that will help you engage and retain your staff.

Is Managing a Popularity Contest?

Is it possible to be a respected manager and well-liked? Yes. I don’t think these two are mutually exclusive but if you must choose one, my suggestion is choose respect!

While it is human nature to want to be liked, sometimes being a successful manager means you need to make unpopular decisions.  You must be the adult in every situation that impacts your staff and your organization.

Managers have a clear role to play. You’ve been tasked with managing a staff in order to accomplish the work to meet your organization’s mission.  Managing people involves giving clear direction and setting expectations.  Frequently, this involves resolving conflicts and having difficult conversations which may not make you win any popularity contests.

If you are hesitating to take needed action because you are afraid your staff won’t like you any more, you really need to consider if you’re cut out to be a manager. Some people aren’t and do much better as individual contributors. But, if you want to succeed as a manager, focus on being the best manager you can even if that means you may not be always beloved by your staff.  

What you really want is your team to respect you as their leader because they know the actions you take are in the best interests of the organization and in the best interest for them as individuals.

Focus your attention on helping your staff members meet their goals. Set reasonable expectations and hold people accountable for their commitment.  This also means you need to keep your commitments so that your team knows they can count on you to support them in achieving their full potential.

If you build their trust, support them in their personal development, and reward them for their accomplishments, they will, most likely, respect you.  And, respect is something that you really, really want from your team. If you have their respect, whether they “like” you or not will not matter and you will be successful!