Change – A View from the Top

I recently heard this statement: “Spring is a lovely reminder of how beautiful change can truly be.”  So, consider the change taking place in the following situation:

At the beginning of the school year, the executive director of a private school announces he is retiring at the end of the school year. So everyone affected has nine months to get used to the idea. Shouldn't be a problem, right?  Well, not until the board completes their search and makes a decision between two final candidates – one internal, one external who had previously taught at the school. Needless to say, a majority of the staff wants the internal candidate chosen, but their hopes are dashed when he's not. 

As soon the announcement is made, the gossip and the rumors start. They aren't just about the new executive director or the internal candidate not chosen. They are rumors about the teachers too – which ones may leave because of the choice. Even the students are getting pulled into the scuttlebutt. 

We discuss this very situation in The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook. No matter how hard the new leader tries to instill confidence and let the existing staff get to know her, this change can bring conflict out in the open. In this scenario, the new leader won't be starting for several months -- and conflict is already rearing its ugly head. 

What to do?  The current leadership must recognize change causes fear. Respect the fears being manifested and listen to people's concerns. Use the rumor mill to spread accurate information to counter the gossip and negative information that's rampant. Over-communicate. Use every available communication methods to reach the staff (including the teachers), parents and, yes, the students. Be honest with people and treat them with respect. Communicate realistic expectations keeping in mind that everyone wants to know how the changing organization is going to affect them.

Remember, the hardest part of change is getting through it.  The conflict tunnel can be dark, but the light at the end may be brighter than the one at the beginning. You can learn more by reading Chapter 1 of The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook which discusses What’s New at Work?

Avoiding Bad Conflict

We’re continuing the discussion we had with Elayne Fluker on her podcast, Support is Sexy, about conflict.   

Question:  We’ve been talking about a well-managed conflict. What about avoiding bad conflict?

Cornelia:  The most important thing to do to avoid conflict is to set expectations early – with employees, associates, and any other business partner.  Make sure the roles and responsibilities are clearly defined. With employees, make sure they know at the beginning of the employment relationship – this is what their job looks like and this is what you expect them to do to meet the responsibilities of their position. If you’re bringing in outside support, make sure everything they are expected to do is outlined and well defined.  

Question:  Should you have an agreement of some sort in writing.

Barbara: That goes to expectations. I like to have a conversation first and then put it in writing – you confirm what you talked about. For example, “As we agreed, this is what I’m going to do and this is what you’re going to do and this is our timeline.” You have clarity and can hold each other accountable. You’re not being legalistic, but if I’ve committed to something and I’m not going to get it done in time, I need to let the other person know – something’s happened – let’s renegotiate those deadlines.  If you have your expectations in writing you have something to refer to, especially if things are not going well.  You can point to it and say, “You agreed to do this and you’re not holding up your end of the bargain.”

Cornelia:  I heard someone once say that she had gone through a contentious divorce and that you don’t think about setting a contract before you get married.  She was referring to working things out – who hadn’t kept up their part of the bargain.  She brought the concept into her business dealings, especially working with teams – insisting on setting ground rules and guidelines.  That’s what we’re talking about.  If you have guidelines or rules of engagement written down everyone can commit to them.

Question:  When it comes to addressing conflict, what do you see as some of the mistakes or common mistakes that people make?

Barbara: I think people often have trouble just articulating that this isn’t going well without getting emotional.  If you can keep emotions out of it and simply say, “This is what we agreed to and it’s not going the way we thought it was going to and we need to fix it,” you can address what’s wrong.  Another mistake is letting things go to long thinking it’ll get better – “I’ll give it another week.” Well, by a week later things could have exploded and it’s too late.  Catch things early, be aware of your emotions, and remind yourself this is business and we’ll deal with this in a business way and hopefully maintain a positive relationship.

Cornelia:  People sometimes become overly concerned about the relationship – wanting to avoid hurting someone’s feelings if they say something or do something. You can deliver a negative message in a positive way without it getting personal. Go back to the facts of what happened – keep it as a factual, business issue.

A Well Managed Conflict

We were interviewed for the podcast, Support is Sexy with Elayne Fluker.  We talked about entrepreneurship, and the conversation led to conflict management and resolution.  Here are some excerpts from that conversation. 

Question: You’ve written two books on conflict resolution. Can you share tips with managers and business owners on handling conflict within their businesses whether it’s with their employees or other business associates? 

Barbara: We discuss the positive nature of conflict in The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook. Conflict, if managed appropriately, can be a very creative process. It can bring ideas into the organization and get people thinking in different ways. You don’t always want to avoid conflict, unless it becomes destructive to the organization.  Well-managed conflict can be very positive in moving relationships and the organization along.

Question: What’s a way a well-managed conflict can move a relationship along?

Barbara: The key is listening to each other. Listening gets totally overlooked. People are prone to want to keep talking and get their ideas out. A well-managed conflict occurs when people put varying ideas out and the others listens without judgment and without trying to respond as quickly as possible. If you really listen to each other it may occur to you, “You know I never thought of it that way.” That revelation can then spark a very good discussion that may end up taking you and the situation in a totally different direction.  That’s one of the keys to maintaining good relationships. If you stop and say I’m going to hear what he or she is say and then use it without getting defensive or argumentative or judgmental, you can have some pretty amazing results. 

Question: How can we create an environment where people know that a well-managed conflict is something that’s encouraged.

Cornelia: Let your employees and business partners know you brought them into the relationship because you valued and want to hear their ideas. And show you really mean it.  In meetings, for example, say, “This is the idea we have,” and open the floor to other people who might offer a differing point of view or idea.  Then listen to what everyone else is saying – and give everybody the opportunity to state their opinions. 

Once all the ideas have been heard, start determining which are doable.  If you don’t think an idea is doable not right now, then let the person know, “It’s a good ideas but it’s going to take some resources we don’t have, so let’s table that for the future.” If you’re not able to act at all, let them know why. Opening the discussion to everybody and being able to implement some ideas will create an environment where people understand it’s fine to state your ideas. If it’s not going to work either now or in the future, people know they’ve been listened too and not shut down. When we talk about positive conflict people think it’s a contradiction, but positive conflict is recognizing that we all come to a decision or idea from a different point of view based on our background and experience. Everyone is open to other creative ideas. You may end up with a much better solution. 

Check back next week to read more excerpts from this discussion. 

Not My Problem!

I thought she was going to pound her fist through the wall – she was so angry.  I understood why she was mad and her need to vent, but the problem was not going to get resolved by her telling me, rather than her boss’s colleague.

“I agree,” I said.  “He shouldn’t have asked you to take the meeting notes. Did you ask him why someone from his own staff didn’t take them?”

“No,” she answered. “He said since I’m good with a computer, I’d be a good note taker. It was a complete waste of my day – and now I’m behind on a project. Doesn’t he know it’s not what I’m paid to do?”

Courtney was a co-worker, although we worked in different departments.  She was a talented and creative professional who was hired to work on strategic initiatives.  She’d made highly innovative changes to processes and work flows.  I agreed it was a waste of her time and corporate resources to be taking meeting notes. 

“His comment doesn’t make any sense. Did you say anything to your boss about it?”

“I told Howie right after Jake asked me to take notes, but you know everyone’s afraid to speak up to him because he’s so tight with our vice president. Howie doesn’t want to rock the boat.”

Just then Howie walked in. “Did you ask her yet?” he said.

I turned to him. “Ask me what?” 

They both were looking at me sheepishly. “Well,” said Courtney, “We thought that since Jake listens to you, you could say something – tell him how inappropriate his request was.” 

“I don’t have a stake in this disagreement,” I responded. “One of you needs to talk to him and tell him why he was out of line to ask Courtney and not his own staff member to take the meeting notes.” 

What to do when someone tries to pull you into their conflict? Be flattered because they think you have influence? No.  In this case, Courtney and Howie both needed to learn to confront their own conflicts and find their own words to do it. 

Have you or your team members ever had problems disengaging from someone else’s conflict? Have you ever been reluctant to speak up or unable to find the right words?  We have a resource to help: The Conflict Resolution Phrase Book, which you can find on Amazon at https://tinyurl.com/ycktzyz9. It’s filled with phrases that can help you find your own words. And you may want to share copies with your team. What better time to sharpen your conflict management skills than in April – Workplace Conflict Awareness Month.  After you’ve read it, we’d be grateful and honored if you’d write a review on Amazon.  After all, workplace conflict occurs all year long – not just in April.

Are You Listening?

Has this ever happened to you? You think you’re having a conversation with a colleague and realize they aren’t paying a bit of attention to you—they have something they want to talk about and it really doesn’t matter what you say because they’re not listening to you?

This happened to me recently and it reminded me what a critical skill listening is and how few of us really are good at it.  Think about all the time you spent in school learning how to read and write—but, did you ever have a class in how to listen?  Probably not, and I think that’s a mistake!

We think it is such an important skill that we devoted an entire chapter in The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook, to listening. Here’s an excerpt from that chapter, “Listen Up!”

“Listening is not waiting for your turn to talk, but it appears that is how most of us listen—while the other person is talking, all we’re doing is thinking about what we are going to say next—and, because we aren’t hearing what is being said, the odds are that our response doesn’t move the communication process forward.

Listening well is essential for workplace success. The US Department of Labor estimates that of the total time we spend in communication, 22 percent is devoted to reading and writing, 23 percent is devoted to speaking and—55 percent is to listening.”

You can become a better listener if you try using an effective technique—active listening. Try the following to improve your skills:

• Listen to learn—be interested in what the other person is saying and show it.
• Seek understanding—listen to the words and ask questions to clarify what you hear.
• Pay attention to non-verbal cues—watch body language and tone of voice.

We offer a lot more about listening in The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook which is available on Amazon https://tinyurl.com/y8qy4msz, at Barnes & Noble, or at your local bookstore. Celebrate Workplace Conflict Awareness Month this April by improving your listening