The Real or Perceived Problem?

Shortly after The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook was published, Barbara and I were part of a panel discussion.  One of the panelists asked the audience if they thought it was the real problem or the perceived problem that was important. Her opinion: it was the perceived problem that mattered most. It was all we could do to not interrupt and were relieved when an audience member challenged her.

I thought of this recently when I was helping a company with an employee complaint. One of the senior leaders had insightful thoughts about the situation. He explained that the organization was undergoing many changes—changes to process and systems. This was leaving the door open for what he termed a plethora of perception. As hard as they tried to present information about the changes to the workforce—to present the reality—the leadership team was constantly checking in on what everyone’s perception of the situation was. But in the end, he said, you can’t undo perception. 

That’s so true, and perception often intersects with conflict. It doesn’t mean, however, that perception overrules real facts. We use an example in The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook about a restaurant owner responding to a customer’s complaint and drawing a conclusion about which staff member was at fault. He didn’t bother to get all the facts, and his conclusion was wrong. During this period of dealing with COVID-19, we are all likely hearing comments and opinions about other people’s actions. Here’s an example I read in the paper, a comment made about an observation in the grocery store. Is the woman buying face cream buying something that is really essential? My response: Maybe it is. You don’t have all the information. So don’t be quick to judge or form conclusions, especially in the workplace, and especially if you’re judging or drawing conclusions about co-workers. Remember, too, if you take action based on a conclusion that is not accurate, you are accountable for those actions you take.

Getting all the facts helps us to understand the problem we’re trying to solve or the conflict we are trying to resolve. Perceived facts are often rooted in assumptions and perceptions. Absent having all (or any of) the facts, assumptions are made and erroneous conclusions result. That’s why it’s critical to question, probe, and clarify—to get to the real problem.

Cornelia Gamlem

What Employee’s Value from Work: Tips From The Manager’s Answer Book

The Washington Post, using an independent research organization, does an annual survey called Top Workplaces.  They publish the results in their Sunday Post magazine.

It’s not surprising to learn employees surveyed are looking for organizations where they have confidence in the firm’s direction.  Even in a time of low unemployment, this shouldn’t come as a surprise. Said in a slightly different way, employees want transparency from their leaders.

The Post’s survey also showed that employees want to work for an organization with high ethics and where the organization’s values are lived. Most well managed organizations publish their values, but some have trouble living up to or demonstrating them. This is not what today’s workers are looking for in an employer.

The result that did surprise me is that 67% of the respondents said they value working in a place were different points of view are encouraged. This is great news. People want to work where there is diversity of thought.

High on the list of things people value is having a good manager. The adage that “people don’t leave organizations—they leave managers” reinforces what the respondents said in this survey. Strong managers who set clear expectations and hold people accountable tend to be the kind of managers people want to work with.

Manager’s Tips:  If holding employees accountable is a struggle for you, The Manager’s Answer Book addresses this issue and here is a portion of the answer:

Managers should hold their people accountable for their work but before you can do that, clear expectations must be set. One of your most important roles as a manager is letting your team know what is expected of each of them. If they are new to our organization or your team, if you’re starting a new project, or if you are asking for something you’ve never asked of them before, they need you to be clear on issues such as:

• When is the task/project due?
• What are the key deliverables?
• Are there milestones for check in?
• What will success look like at the conclusion of the project
• How will my performance be measured?

See page 76 of The Manager’s Answer Book for more information on setting expectations and holding employees accountable.

As you work to improve your managerial skills, keep in mind what people value from work and if you don’t already do so, maybe you want to ask your own team what’s important to them.  You may learn valuable information that will help you engage and retain your staff.

Is Managing a Popularity Contest?

Is it possible to be a respected manager and well-liked? Yes. I don’t think these two are mutually exclusive but if you must choose one, my suggestion is choose respect!

While it is human nature to want to be liked, sometimes being a successful manager means you need to make unpopular decisions.  You must be the adult in every situation that impacts your staff and your organization.

Managers have a clear role to play. You’ve been tasked with managing a staff in order to accomplish the work to meet your organization’s mission.  Managing people involves giving clear direction and setting expectations.  Frequently, this involves resolving conflicts and having difficult conversations which may not make you win any popularity contests.

If you are hesitating to take needed action because you are afraid your staff won’t like you any more, you really need to consider if you’re cut out to be a manager. Some people aren’t and do much better as individual contributors. But, if you want to succeed as a manager, focus on being the best manager you can even if that means you may not be always beloved by your staff.  

What you really want is your team to respect you as their leader because they know the actions you take are in the best interests of the organization and in the best interest for them as individuals.

Focus your attention on helping your staff members meet their goals. Set reasonable expectations and hold people accountable for their commitment.  This also means you need to keep your commitments so that your team knows they can count on you to support them in achieving their full potential.

If you build their trust, support them in their personal development, and reward them for their accomplishments, they will, most likely, respect you.  And, respect is something that you really, really want from your team. If you have their respect, whether they “like” you or not will not matter and you will be successful!

What You Do Matters!

I felt my body chill, as if my blood were running cold. I was at the U.S Holocaust Memorial Museum standing in the replica of a family's room in the Ghetto.  I listened a woman say “My mother would never talk about it." I stood there frozen. I couldn't begin to imagine the horror her mother experienced, I told her, barely getting the words out.

I visited the Holocaust Museum in DC that day for an explicit reason. My son is student teaching this semester and his 9th grade class is reading The Diary of Anne Frank and studying the Holocaust. Perhaps I could find material to enhance those lessons. Since I've been through the entire museum before, this time I only explored one exhibit Remember the Children: Daniel's Story. When I left, a couple approached me asking if I'd take their picture in front of the museum’s sign. Of course I did. Without asking, I knew they were not mere DC tourists. This experience was personal on some level for them. Their faces were beaming as I snapped several photos. Their gratitude was evident.  I was curious. I really wanted to learn their story, their connection to this horrible history, but didn't want to intrude. Atrocities are often best left unsaid.

Reflecting on the incident as I made my way home, I wondered if by complying with their simple request to take their picture, if I engaged in an act of Radical Kindness. Radical Kindness is about showing the world that kindness, no matter how small, makes a big difference in others’ lives and in your own. It complements a saying I saw in the Museum -- What You Do Matters. What a powerful message.

There are so many powerful leadership lessons we can draw from that saying.  Actions have consequences. We all need to be accountable. James Damore, the Googler who wrote and posted an internal memo critical of the company's diversity policies, was not practicing radical kindness. Promoting stereotypes is not kind. It wasn’t his beliefs that got him fired, it was his actions. They had consequences. What you do matters.

Build a culture of kindness in your organization, especially if your organization’s values include honesty, integrity and respect. Kindness can be a powerful intervention. It can foil tensions from escalating. It can stop conflict in its tracks. What you do matters.

I recently learned that the founder of LaMadeleine the French Country Café chain, when he visited restaurants, first went into the kitchens to speak with the cooks and dishwashers, next made his way out to the cashiers and team members who worked directly with the customers, and only then did he seek out the managers. What you do matters.

As leaders, go out of your way to be gracious. Walk around your organization. Talk to all the employees – ask them how they are doing. Take a moment to be genuinely curious about them in a purposeful, genuine, and respectful way. Offer a kind word. Tell them they’re doing great work!  What you do matters.